My job is making puppies
and I get two tries at that.
They pat me and tell me "Good Boy"
and that's the end of that.
It's half my job to give 'em teeth
and topline, fronts and other.
Remember, it's only half my job-
they also have a mother.
It's not my job to carry pups
and make 'em grow or nurse 'em
And feed and clean and make 'em strong.
That's for "mother" and a person.
It's not my job to wean 'em
and feed calcium and food.
And stack and gait and housebreak
and make 'em show or brood.
It's not my job to plan the breeding
and learn what produces well,
To study pedigrees, learn what's there,
and pick out what to sell.
It's not my job to guarantee champs,
the breeder picks the pair,
To make and whelp and feed and show
and hope that champ is there.
It's not my job to be on hand
when points are given out.
The breeder, owners, dam and friends
take credit with a shout.
It's not my job to deliver a winner,
it's only genes I sell,
But let those puppies turn out bad,
and guess who catches HELL.
Author Unknown
First
time at a Dog Show
(with acknowledgement to the South Island Whippet Club)
First time at a dog show, I'll tell you quite plain
I'll never, no never, go near one again.
The Breeder said "Show him" when I bought my dog,
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog.
They gave me a number, they gave me a pin
But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in,
So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear clue
Then I stuck the card onto his back in the loo.
We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the Puppy Class (this part is the worst).
We marched in together as fast as we were able
Arrived at the judge who said "Up on the table".
This really surprised, my skirt was quite tight,
And I just couldn't make it, try hard as I might.
The Judge looked quite worried, he said "Listen here,
Put your dog on the table, not you, my dear.
By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool
But I said to myself... "Play it cool, play it cool".
"How old?" said the Judge, I heard it quite clear
Well really, I thought, and said "Thirty next year".
The Steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of fit.
He spluttered, he coughed, and his eyes ran a bit.
"I'd have that cough seen to" I said to him when
He'd finally stopped... then he started again.
"Once around the ring, dear, as fast as you can"
Said the Judge, so I did, I just ran and ran,
But when I arrived (out of breath, I'll admit)
The Judge said "Your dog, dear" I felt like a twit.
Off round once again, I kept my head bent.
Oh the shame, my pup crouched, he just went and went.
A lady came running with bucket and spade
With manure so spicy, has she got it made.
We came back to the Judge who said with a frown
"Stand your dog". I said "Please, sir, he's not lying down".
"You can take First Place stand" he said. I said "Ta".
What a job I had getting that stand into the car!
Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep..
I sleep right in the centre groove
My human being can hardly move!
I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and "I want food!"
I sneak up slowly to begin
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up quickly,
I have sharp teeth-
I'm a puppy, don't you see?
For the morning's here
And it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see.
The one who hugs and holds me tight
And shares her bed with me at night!
~author unknown~
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep
I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here"
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you as you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you, that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."
You looked so very tired, as you sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew..
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over...I smile and watch you yawning
And say "goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand side by side,
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.
If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.
You will be sad, I understand,
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer so,
The time has come, please let me go.
Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me until the end,
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Please do not grieve, it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do,
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.
-Author unknown
Our computer, which art in the bedroom,
Hallowed be thy mainframe,
Thy modem on, thy chat will be done,
Online, in freeserve heaven,
Give us this day our daily e-mail,
And forgive us our downloads,
As we forgive those who download it to us,
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from sex pages,
For thine is the hard-drive,
The Power PC and the internet
Forever and ever,
Logged on.
-author unknown
Twas The Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
With no thought of the dog filling their heads.
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Knew he was cold, but didn't care about that.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Thinking the dog was free of his chain and into the trash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Old Saint Nick - with eyes full of tears.
He unchained the dog, once so lively and quick,
Last years Christmas present, now thin and sick..
More rapid than eagles he called the dogs name.
And the dog ran to him, despite all his pain;
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!"
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Let's find this dog a home where he'll be loved by all"
I knew in an instant there would be no gifts this year,
For Santa Claus had made one thing quite clear,
The gift of a dog is not just for the season,
We had gotten the pup for all the wrong reasons.
In our haste to think of the kids a gift,
There was one important thing that we had missed.
A dog should be family, and cared for the same,
You don't give a gift, then put it on a chain.
And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight,
"You weren't given a gift! You were given a life!"
This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great."
Then I thought about breakfast, "I hope it's not late."
Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails, to make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird - it gave me gas.
I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.
That obedience book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
when Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.
I made streamers of T.P., while running at full speed.
Mom is pretty quick-but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and breathed, "You're too fast."
Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lighting.
She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.
When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
that's when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.
That didn't last long, there was too much to do
-can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.
I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."
The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.
Sitting under the table - it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.
Mom found her purse - the one I abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"
Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.
Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,
then let loose a sigh - a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
and whispered so softly, 'My darling, goodnight."
-Author Unknown
If you've ever stuffed a turkey late at night on Christmas Eve
Then you'll know the sort of traumas I go through.
When first the Postee then the carrier, with boxes large and small,
Comes banging on the door of No. 2.
"Come on Dad - you're on" she calls,
With that grin on face that we all recognise,
So out of bed I creep-groan-creak!
(I know I said I'd do it-but I wonder, was it wise?)
as I think of hours of work and loss of sleep.
Spring newsletters, Open shows and Working test schedules,
And envelopes in dozens piled up high,
"Get stuffing Dad" the voice rings out, "And don't forget the
rules"
"No beer unil its done'- I heave a sigh.
I'm only kidding really, 'cos its nothing that I do
Compared to she who's done the bulk,
Of all the work involved in producing all the stuff
That the stuffer has to stuff, as is his due.
The Job gets done, they're in the post,
I'm felling weak and pale.
"Get these down you" calls the voice,
Six cans of light brown ale!